more than i wanted to know

hands against rain-splattered window

credit – flickr

This week, our inside circle opened with a powerful poem by Maria Maziotti Gillan called ‘Winter Light.’ In four short but powerful stanzas she manages to pull gratitude from a litany of past regrets. Her second stanza begins, ‘I have learned more than I ever/wanted to know, dream/back into innocence,/life clean of regret and the sky/not darkened . . .’

From that simple first line, long-time writer AW created a deeply moving tribute to the gentle heart that beats inside her, even in the face of so much pain and sorrow – pain and sorrow she never wanted to know.

I have learned more than I’ve ever wanted to know. I want to erase the painful memories, leaving behind the noise that doesn’t let my mind rest, the anger that dances in the hallways. I’ve learned to live with and adapt to the all-consuming anxiety written on everyone I’ve come to know.

I’ve learned that with forgiveness there comes a piece of me that found silence through all the noise. I’ve learned to let go of everything that holds me back from going forward. Continue reading

‘unclench the fist . . .’

forgivenessLast week’s writing circle fell on Valentine’s Day. In addition to writing about loves past, lost, or yet to be found, some women chose to respond to the epigraph that graced the top of the agenda. This time it was an extended quote from award-winning essayist Brian Doyle, which read in part: “What might we be if we rise and evolve …  if we unclench the fist and drop the dagger, if we emerge blinking from the fort and the stockade and the prison, if we smash away the steel from around our hearts … What then?” The extended quote is the final paragraph of this essay, in Orion Magazine, a moving writing about his son.

Read the wise words from inside writer MG, below, inspired by ‘if we unclench the fist and drop the dagger . . . ‘

Too frequently I stand yielding to anger, openly inviting it in without realizing what I’m giving a footstool to.  In the long run, only I suffer because those that I lash out on, knock down, ridicule, and humiliate are not always going to allow themselves to be my punching bag.  The only answer to healing anger that works every time is forgiving who or what has hurt you.  Accepting it as a fact that mustn’t be forgotten, but used as a tool of guidance to redirect our paths in the future.

In order for me to become enraged with somebody, I have to care enough about them first for any harsh words to plant themselves in my heart.  So the saying goes, you cannot hate somebody without loving them first.  So why is it that I grip so tightly to the weapons of pain instead letting go of foolish pride and fighting with what’s truly in my heart?