Going inside is always a humbling experience. So little separates us from one another, despite the heavy clanging doors, the keys, the metal detector, the walls. Seated around the table, we find over and over again how similar we are. How we share the same fears and doubts and desires. The same basic humanity.
Despite the oceans that separate us, experientially. For so many of these women, it’s the ocean of self-loathing that severe drug addiction has dumped on their psyches. An ocean of self-loathing they can barely move beneath, let alone swim through to the other side.
Try as we might to understand, the best we can do is hold their hands through the removal of inevitable layers of denial, shame, deceit as they strive to locate the core of their own humanity. Beneath it all, the same desire to be loved, accepted; the same fear of being unlovable.
THANK YOU, HUMANITY
I am the ‘terrible beast’ that no one understands.
Look closer, PLEASE!
The world of troubles are spilling out of my hands.
Alone, in solitude; hiding like a coward.
Stay quiet – be invisible –
lying to myself in my darkest hour.
I’ll give you anything, please just accept me.
I want to be loved;
But not just for what they see.
A catastrophic mind-set I’ve created for myself.
Too proud or too scared? –
— to just ask for help?
I feel so pathetic, needing something so small
for I feel as if I’m asking for it all.
No one can love me, or understand at the least . . .
for who could ever love what they see as a BEAST?