by ursylla

For me, I was raised the right way by my mom.
When we moved to Vermont, everything changed.
I met my dad, the real dad I’d never known.
He seemed so cool at first, let me smoke cigarettes
when I was about 12, and then come 13 to 15,
I was doing my first pill with him. After that first
pill came crack, then heroin. Now this affected
my whole life! I’ve never known any different,
just what I’ve seen and done through my dad’s eyes.
I left my mom to stay with him. My mom told me
not to, but she was not smart enough or
strong enough to say “no” to my father. I hurt
her to no repair. I regret that every day!

Then life got real scary. I’d come home from
school to a joint rolled for me, or I’d want to go
see my boyfriend, and Dad fed me heroin.
I did not choose this. It was his way of defeating
me as a child. This was my father, the hurricane.
It has swallowed me up until now I’m straight
for the first time in almost 14 years. No thanks
to Dad, my hurricane whom I hate. Now it’s up
to me to stay straight, with nobody in my way,
I will overcome this!! Only I can change the
pattern I’ve lived with for so long. I am who
I want to be— alive at last
after losing my whole life. I now at 26 have
to start over again because of the path I’ve
followed. I sit and wonder what Dad feels
about what he’s done to us kids.

TJ