Swimming in the Rain, Camilla Massu

When life seems circuitous, random and potentially unpredictable, I remember this invocation by TD, one of our very first writinginsideVT participants.

(She’s still in the writing circle, soon to be released from prison.)

I reach for her words “I Am Here” as a kind of personal salve. Her’s is a prayer of surrender to a loving God, the Divine, or whatever that loving/living Presence is for you.

“I Am Here” is featured prominently in our book-to-be, Hear Me, See Me: Incarcerated Women Write, coming out in September.  I was reminded of the piece this week, reviewing the book’s proofs prior to publication.

Reading it again brought me peace, a sense of being held, a reduction in my personal fear factor.

The job that didn’t materialize for me last week, the sense of isolation that pervaded my day today, and the waywardness of my life direction as of late–all seemed to fade as these words spread over me like an ocean of mercy.  May they bring you comfort as well.

I AM HERE

God is an ocean of mercy . . . Collapse into God’s arms and you’ll weep like a child.” —Rumi

It is me, your daughter.
I am here, in your light.
Your grace has given me many blessings.
It is me whom you loved,
no matter the number of my faults. 

I am here, broken before you,
ready to receive your glory.
I have taken many paths in this life,
which have taught me not to fear you;
for you gave me breath,
you gave me life,
and through these many circumstances,
you let me live.
I am of love and have been forgiven.
Please, show me what it is
you want from me.
I am at your mercy;
I am on bended knee
asking for you to hold me,
comfort me, show me
how to control my fear of the world.

Give me the strength, the power
to rise from the bondage of my addiction.
Clear my path of suffering
and give me your love.
I am right here,
ready to receive it,
live in it, breathe it,
and give it back to the world.

Please, release me;
I want to love you back,
the way you’ve always loved and cherished me.
I want to live my life as though
I am wrapped tightly in your arms,
not stranded out at sea
with no means to a life,
lost, forgotten, unforgiven, broken,
and with no direction to save me.

When I am strong enough,
when the time is right—
give me rest, clear my mind,
cleanse my soul, give me peace.
Let the flood of my emotions release,
renewing my passage into this life.
Rebuild my self-confidence.
Give me new life,
new encounters that enrich my life.
Encourage the energy that surrounds me
to be of peace and comfort.
I trust you,
you have never forsaken me.
Growth is key in my addiction.