I didn’t think anyone could possibly know me more than me. No one could possibly see the storm raging inside of me. No one could see the pain and torment I was causing myself . . . could they?
I thought I covered it well with my mask of drugs and make-up. It didn’t matter they saw right through it and begged me to get help. But I wanted nothing to do with it. So I went on slowly killing myself a little bit each day. I didn’t think there was any other way, especially after I pushed everyone else that cared about me very far away.
It must not have been my time to go, because God intervened and had me locked up. I was so angry with Him, because I knew what I wanted and getting clean wasn’t it. I was convinced my downward spiral into hell was what I wanted.
Then one day, everything I thought before broke free; or maybe, it was the drugs clearing out of me; but I was grateful to be in jail. My time here is coming to an end and I know this is the real me, the one I was afraid to see. I don’t know what about her scared me so much because she is the most spiritually fit me I’ve ever seen. I have hopes and dreams today, instead of a death wish.