What we Want is Never Simple
I just wanted a break . . .
I wanted to figure out a way to live my day to day life and not dread getting out of bed every single morning. I wanted to do what I wanted to when I wanted to do it. I wanted to not worry about paying rent, feeding myself, or putting gas in the car.
I wanted to get high, stay high, and never ever have to go without being high.
I wanted to have a book published. I wanted to make my father proud. I wanted to do something bigger with my life than the mundane, barely-get-by-paycheck, pay bills, eat, sleep-and-do-it-again existence I feared so much. But mainly, I just wanted a break from the intense pressure of all these wants . . .
Now I am enclosed within walls 24 hours/day; no bills to pay, no worries about my next meal, or putting gas in my car. No worries about barely getting by on my paycheck; there is no getting by on $2/day. So yeah, in some ways, I guess I got what I wanted . . .